


Ben's eyes

by sp_ace_witch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, Dysfunctional Family, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Love, Other, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 15:20:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13883622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sp_ace_witch/pseuds/sp_ace_witch
Summary: Han had always liked their eyes. However, he never told them.





	Ben's eyes

**Ben's eyes**

Han had always liked their eyes. However, he never told them.

He had given compliments about every inch of Leia's body during their years together. Something that always made her blush, even after marriage. But he didn't think he'd ever mentioned his favorite part. Not that there was a part he didn't like. Of course not. He liked everything about her. But this was his little secret.

Leia's eyes were so dark it was such irony that she kept so much light inside her. They were probably the darkest Han had ever seen. Honestly, he had met more than half the galaxy and nobody, absolutely nobody, had eyes like hers. When she wanted to, they could radiate heat, tenderness, pain, hope... He could read every emotion in them.

That day, as he held the newborn Ben in his arms for the first time and as he watched every detail of his small face, he didn't believe they could have created a more perfect child. Leia was resting on the nearest bed, trying not to fall asleep. The image of Han captivated by their son was one she was planning to keep in her memory forever.

Minutes later when the baby opened his eyes, Han knew he had been wrong to think his son couldn't be more perfect. In fact, he could, because his eyes were the same color as Leia's.

He lifted his gaze to the bed in order to inform his wife about that stupid detail, but exhaustion had already overcome her. He smiled helplessly, and focused all his attention on the baby, who had wrapped his little hands around one of Han's fingers.

"Hey, little buddy... I'm glad you have Mommy's eyes" he whispered.

…

During pregnancy, whenever she wanted something from him, she got it. Eye begging was something Han Solo could not resist. He willingly obeyed all her cravings, no matter how stupid, crazy or impossible they seemed to be. So whether it was getting out of bed in the middle of the night to cook for her, or taking her out of an important meeting for the New Republic, just because her hormones were begging her to have some naughty alone time with her husband, Han obeyed. That part wasn't so difficult after all.

But as Ben grew up, he became more and more aware of the control he had over his father. Especially, since he seemed to have discovered what his weakness was. When his son looked at him with those eyes, Han could not deny him anything. Leia would scold them both later, but when they were alone, Han simply couldn't help it.

"Dad, dad! Can I pilot?" six-years-old Ben asked. The child enjoyed spending time in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon more than playing with his toys.

"You're still very young, buddy. You know this is not a game" Han replied, holding his son on his lap, while trying to prevent him from touching the controls. Chewbacca smiled and relaxed back in his seat.

"Please, Daddy, just for a little while" the child said, looking at his father with pleading eyes. Han sighed and glanced at his Wookie friend.

"Fine. Two minutes" he replied defeatedly, while Ben threw himself happily upon the controls. "And don't tell Mommy."

"I promise."

…

Leia was scared. He could see it in her eyes.

From the moment they decided to send Ben to his training with Luke, Han knew she was hiding something from him. The fact that his son would become a Jedi like his uncle was not the only reason she wanted to send him away. He knew it. The Force wasn't strong in him, but Han knew how to read his wife. He knew Leia better than he knew himself.

When Luke, heartbroken, told them about what their son had done, Han thought of telling Leia that it was all her fault. He thought of telling her a lot of things. But they were so broken and so tired and they had had so many arguments already that they decided to stop talking in a mutual, painful, silent agreement.

And then Luke disappeared. And Han and Leia's relationship started to deteriorate more and more as the years passed by until he couldn't stand it anymore.

Being with Leia meant seeing each day the sadness growing in her eyes, feeling unable to help, unable to bring happiness to those eyes. He could not bring back their son. He could not bring back her brother. And that was all she wanted. And he could not blame her for that.

Gone were the days when Han came home to find her exhausted but happy, reading Ben a bedtime story. Gone were the days when he would kiss her and she would forget everything she'd been through.

He missed his son. He missed flying with him. He missed making his son's dreams come true. He missed his eyes and the way they sparkled when he smiled. And although he missed them terribly, he couldn't find the courage to look at Leia's.

So he did the only thing he could do: Flying his ship and never looking back.

…

"If you see our son... bring him home."

Leia's voice echoed through his mind over and over again as he drove to carry out the Resistance's mission.

Meeting up with her had made the wound in his heart to open wide. He could still feel her, curled up in his arms, fitting perfectly like puzzle pieces. She would always be his missing puzzle piece.

He remembered every conversation, thinking that they hadn't talked that much in years. There was something comforting in her voice. And when he volunteered for that mission, he knew there were many things that could go wrong. He knew he was no longer that young smuggler that could get the booty and run away and then receive the medal from his beautiful princess. He knew Finn was just an ex-stormtrooper who wouldn't have the slightest chance to survive if they got caught.

But although he knew all those things, there was something in the back of his mind telling him to do it.

Because the last time he looked into Leia's eyes, there was hope in them.

…

"Take off that mask, you don't need it."

"What do you think you'll see if I do?"

"The face of my son."

There was a time when Ben's eyes had been like a joke to him, as ironic as Leia's. After all, how could two people so full of light have such dark eyes?

In that moment, as he watched Kylo Ren's mask fall to the ground, he had to admit, sadly, that little of that light remained. The dark side reflected in every step he took.

"Your son is dead. He was weak and foolish like his father, so I destroyed him!"

But even though there wasn't much light left, he could still see it. And he would do whatever it took to bring his son back to where he belonged. If only he could bring back happiness to his eyes, everything they had lived until then would be worth it.

_Come home. We miss you._

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. And I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

_If you see our son... bring him home._

"Yes. Anything."

He could not deny him anything. He never could. He never could deny his wife anything. They were the two people he loved more than anything. And he couldn't bear to see the pain in their eyes. For a split second, he'd swear that he had seen a look of pain on his son's face. Maybe it was just an illusion.

"Thank you."

Maybe it had been real.

As he touched his son's face for the last time, he knew he would never know the truth or the end of the story. Perhaps he already knew, from the moment he set foot on that bridge. It didn't matter anymore.

Because Ben had always known his weakness.

Because Ben had always been harder to read.

Because the last time he had looked into Leia's eyes, there was hope in them.


End file.
